


hey ling can you do the fergie rap

by crutik



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, M/M, also its a chatfic lol, ling loves romcoms, the winpan is mostly in the background, why? fuck you is why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 18:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crutik/pseuds/crutik
Summary: baby need snack: :,,,(baby need snack: im crying real tears here do u see them edwardFULLMETAL: you could cry me a gd ocean and it would not be even one percent of how much i have wept over how stupid ur dumb ass is





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for reference here are their usernames  
> gearheads anonymous: winry  
> FULLMETAL: ed  
> baby need snack: ling

gearheads anonymous: eddddddddddd r u awake

FULLMETAL: no

gearheads anonymous: ok good i know its 4am but like

gearheads anonymous: you know paninyc

gearheads anonymous: *paninya FUCK

FULLMETAL: ya she stole my watch

gearheads anonymous: ok so i just realized shes gay and ed

gearheads anonymous: ED SHES SO HOT IM SORRY BUT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS

FULLMETAL: >:( go be gay at a more reasonable time or ill block you

gearheads anonymous: >:) 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈

FULLMETAL: my cursor is right over the block button i swear to god

gearheads anonymous: >:)))🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈

FULLMETAL: blockedt!!!! i warned you

gearheads anonymous: oh hey since were on the subject how about ling :) have u condessed ur uncontrollable lust 4 him yet

FULLMETAL: DOUBLE BLOCKEDT

gearheads anonymous: have u even talked to him since last time u told me

gearheads anonymous: that was like 2 weeks ago ur so repressed

FULLMETAL: no shut up i just dont know if he likes me im afraid of rejection u know this

gearheads anonymous: OH MY GOD YOUUUUU 

gearheads anonymous: DENSE MOTHERFUCKER

FULLMETAL: fuck u >:(((((

gearheads anonymous: hes constantly fuckign 

gearheads anonymous: staring @u w his stupid gay eyes like how dumb can u be ed

FULLMETAL: shut upppppp ur the one who just now realized paninya was gay

gearheads anonymous: i amn… just a little dumb lesbian….., thatse it…

FULLMETAL: stop playign the victim!!!!

FULLMETAL: she is literally the peak of androgynous lesbian fashion

FULLMETAL: she wore a jean jacket AND flannel at the same time fr gods sake

gearheads anonymous: FINE can we hust agree we r useless and gay and move on

FULLMETAL: absolutely not ur the one who started this

FULLMETAL: also im a fkin prodigy IF U HAVEMT NOTICED

gearheads anonymous: ughhhh not this again

FULLMETAL: shut up if i had that aligntment chart thing id be so far in the distinguished corner id be off the picture

gearheads anonymous: actually i was talking w al abt that and we agreed that ur a disaster srry :)

FULLMETAL: die die die die

gearheads anonymous: go cry emo kid

FULLMETAL: those days r behind me now stop bullying me

gearheads anonymous: u still wear leather pants

gearheads anonymous: also hav u looked @ur icon recently

FULLMETAL: HECK OFF IM GOING TO SLEEP

gearheads anonymous: emo gay dummy >:ppp


	2. Chapter 2

baby need snack: ed

baby need snack: edddddddd

baby need snack: edwardddd

baby need snack: :((((((

FULLMETAL: BEGONE

baby need snack: see this is why u dont have frends 

baby need snack: i just want to have a civilized conversation with my dear chum ed but noooooo

FULLMETAL: actually i have over one billion friends but none of them are you

baby need snack: ur such a meanie :,(

FULLMETAL: meanieness aside what do u want

baby need snack: so i wanna see this movie but lan fan wont go with me

baby need snack: she says its lame but how can romcoms be lame???? she has no taste

baby need snack: anyweed its on thursday do u wanna come w me

baby need snack: hewwoooooooo

FULLMETAL: hyeah sure  
FULLMETAL: but you pay for snacks

baby need snack: but im poor :(((((

FULLMETAL: tough titties

baby need snack: :,,,,(

baby need snack: im crying real tears here do u see them edward

FULLMETAL: you could cry me a gd ocean and it would not be even one percent of how much i have wept over how stupid ur dumb ass is

baby need snack: SFGKBDSSGBJYFDSEYUB

baby need snack: how long were you waiting to use that particular response

FULLMETAL: i came up with it on the spot

FULLMETAL: bc i am a fking genius

baby need snack: hubris will be ur downfall 

baby need snack: someday you will try to be god

baby need snack: and fail

FULLMETAL: been there done that bitchh  
baby need snack: oh yeah

fergie but havent u gone thru the gate like. 4 timez

FULLMETAL: whats ur point it further proves that i can will and already have become god

baby need snack: no!!!!! it means u failed 4 times!!!! ugh

baby need snack: oh i gtg see u thursay :)

FULLMETAL: bye

***

FULLMETAL: HEY GUESS WHOS GLIGN ON A DAYTEEEE

FULLMETAL: *going

gearheads anonymous: omg finally

gearheads anonymous: when u fuck i expect a 20 page essay abt it

FULLMETAL: i am TRYING to have a moment of celebration w my bestest buddy and honestly?

FULLMETAL: you are ruining my day

gearheads anonymous: ya and u knew this was coming

gearheads anonymous: so did u ask him or

FULLMETAL: he asked me

FULLMETAL: also he didnt say it was a date but were going to a movie alone so i think it counts

gearheads anonymous: you coward bottom bitch

FULLMETAL: SHUT UP!!!!!!!

FULLMETAL: have u even like discussed ur undying passion 4 paninya yet

gearheads anonymous: fuck you

FULLMETAL: ur a hypocrite and a fool and u cant change that

gearheads anonymous: SHUTUP I AM WORKING UP MY COURAGE

FULLMETAL: ok so i should expect results in like 40 years got it

gearheads anonymous: THIS IS BULLYING

FILLMETAL: you take useless lesbianism to new heights

gearheads anonymous: IM REPORTING U FOR ABUSE!!!

FULLMETAL: eye for an eye bitch thatd what u get for waking me up @ 4am to bother me abt ling

gearheads anonymous: unfollowed. blocked. reported. mustang will b arriving to execute u shortly

FULLMETAL: good thing ill kill the bastard first

gearheads anonymous: bluh >:(

FULLMETAL: BLUH >:((((

**Author's Note:**

> most chatfics ive read are weird and unrealistic compared to how Irl Teens talk so by pure gumption im going to fix that


End file.
